therapy

More on the brain and some break-throughs!

/ fosteringmoorelove / Leave a comment

What a whirlwind it’s been! 2019 has worn me out.

So, I’m putting all this “out there” so I can find out who my awesome resources and experienced mommas/daddies are, or maybe give another parent some hope or ideas. We have had major regression and aggression since the week of Christmas. 14 fits in 9 weeks to be exact. (This is a lot for *Little man.) So, naturally, I’m back into my reading and research.

PANDAS is something all parents should be aware of. I have recently read about it, thanks to another mom that “randomly” crossed my path a month ago. This could be a cause of aggression and more frequent fits along with obsessions. He had strep the same week aggression started…and it has continued weekly until we received some more information from a neurotherapy facility.

We had a brain scan at the Neurotherapy facility, 3 weeks ago, which is really insightful! Since those results, (which are all possibilities, not diagnoses) I have been intervening when necessary, as if he had a diagnosis of OCD and indecisiveness. With many students I have taught, choices were what kept them functioning in the classroom. *Little man gets even more frustrated when offered a choice, when he is succumbing to “caveman” brain. I was previously either giving him a choice, but not necessarily the thing he was fixated on, which causes him to escalate; or, we completely ignore him, also causing him to escalate.

Thankfully, with OCD in mind, I have begun to see his fits as a lack of control, versus him trying to manipulate or take control. I focus on helping him get whatever it is he is crying about. I used to steer clear of his obsession during fits, because my previous parenting focus was, “you can’t get what you want when you act like this,” and focused on setting boundaries with my kids. This new strategy is one that is really hard for me- kids who are capable of controlling their emotions, get what they want if they whine more, cry, or ask over and over. I experience kids who test these boundaries frequently in my classroom. But ultimately, most kids thrive on boundaries. *Little man is a different story.

I am now relying on the fact that he actually can not mentally let ‘whatever it is’ go. OCD comes in various forms taking on the form of sensory and/or mental repetitive thoughts too, which I didn’t know until I read more about it.

Along with the new linguistics during a tantrum, we are going to our 3rd consultation at a highly recommended therapist. He offers many different treatment options, including neurofeedback. I have called many facilities, therapists, and doctors who offer neuro/biofeedback, thanks to our therapist’s referral and leads from my new mommy friend. Updates will follow, but please comment with your experiences.

I have also discovered Hylands supplements at Sprouts, thanks to a friend at school. We began taking these daily for irritability each afternoon, the same week I found out about the possibility of OCD, and received more information about the neurological effects of Strep.

So here we are, and we will grow together and stronger; as this too, shall pass. I am bringing my sis-in-law to help me listen and make an informed decision of our plan to a healthy mind and body.

bonding therapy

/ fosteringmoorelove / 1 Comment

I am hoping this type of counseling will continue to grow and be offered in more cities for foster, adoptive, and even blended families.  We drive almost two hours total, to spend about an hour, but it is worth it.  As a busy family, who would normally only see a pediatrician once per year, our kiddos’ doctors may be the biggest influence
(other than teachers, who are not generally trained in this area- which I am working on).  I am hoping doctors will begin to make this referral!  Let’s be proactive instead of reactive; mental health is just as important as physical.

Though I was resistant to send *little man, he has his own therapist (and for other reasons), I ultimately didn’t have a choice.  The therapist and agency drug their feet for months on approving us (they wanted to just approve *little man, while I wanted the big boys to get support and learn how to be patient and lovingly accept their new brother).  Finally, they said they would see the three boys individually and work with them altogether during some sessions.  Though things didn’t originally go as I requested, it seems like it will continue to be a great experience for all.

The therapist is working on getting the big boys used to the fact that they can share hard feelings independently, and she started working on communication with all three.  They have learned through playing games, they have to share feelings, communicate, and pay attention to tone of voice.  It has also brought up the fact that *little man becomes agitated, flustered, and does not listen when he is frustrated.  It presents itself as ADD, but is his response to anxiety.  This is a great heads up for our upcoming Kindergarten school year.  Last week, she took a teachable moment and ran with it.   She explained to *little man that he could have done a better job building and would not have been as frustrated during the game, if he would have asked questions.

without-communication-there-is-no-relationship-inspirational-quote

This type of communication training is quickly becoming my passion as an educator and a mom, due to the fact: the recent school-aged generations have increasing difficulty with verbal communication.  It seems like we are living in a world where negative feelings are shunned and envy is on the rise.

In rereading The Connected Child for my parent coaching classes, I am finding “new” tidbits that are a great communication reminder in our busy world:

— eye contact (as the author describes, driving our kids around to all their events and activities does not count as bonding because they look are looking at the back of our head)

— stay close even during time-outs (adult body language is interpreted easily by kids)

—  avoid open-ended questions (build trust and stay in control)

—  give simple choices (love this example: “would you like an apple or banana with your chicken soup for lunch today?”   NOT: “what do you feel like having for lunch today?”)

— clear instructions (it seems that my boys need eye contact for this as well 🙂

Other updates: No word on final adoption.  *Little man will be registered for Kindergarten at my school.  Staying asleep is an issue; he is making up false reasons for being scared, then ultimately admitting he just doesn’t want to be alone.  Bio family vs. foster family talks are hard.  Family trip #3 is coming up, so consider this a picture overload warning.  And—anyone willing/able to come give C$ a puberty talk?  #notready

cry

I love my family; but, we are in the midst of hard.  Thank goodness for summer!  I love taking pictures, so don’t let it fool you.  We are learning, crying, not sleeping, getting annoyed, but loving, communicating and growing.