The “transition plan” is over. The pre-adoption papers are signed.
*scroll down for the cliff notes on our adoption update* =)
As humans, we try to control everything. In this day and age perfecting a family schedule is an art. In addition to scheduling, responses to communication is expected through email, text, prayer, FB messenger, phone call, etc., and expected in a short amount of time. It is so easy to let our events and forms of communication control our day, or become overwhelmed by all of this.
As adults, we make excuses, “I’m too old,” “too busy,” “too tired,” “too stressed,” “it’s Monday,” “I can’t,” etc. We want to control the timing all things occur, desperately trying to stay organized and responsive.
Children make excuses too, but adults are so good at working them through those insecurities. Children also have a desire to control, but this is where we, as adults, often miss an important opportunity: our job as adults/parents should be to take that overwhelming desire and let them know we are in control. (Control has a negative connotation, such as yelling, punishing, or disciplining, but that is not the control I’m referring to.) All kids, and particularly kids of trauma, need to know an adult is in control and they don’t have to be. It can be a long process to even “untrain” an average kiddo, I see it in the classroom all the time. They need to trust, feel safe, and don’t need to feel the stress that many adults place on children.
As adults, we also have a desire to control our child’s communication. We want them to respond to adults in a certain way, be excited to see people we care about and express it, change their tone of voice, eye-contact, body language, the list is exhausting just thinking about it. It comes down to modeling. Adults have a huge task ahead of us as technology is quickly changing verbal and face-to-face communication. We must be so intentional about conversational communication, modeling, and discussing those conversations that won’t shame in front of the adults that are speaking to our kids.
I remember having a conversation with Brian, about having our 2nd child, asking him, is it really the right time? Do we have enough money, energy, and time for this change? The answer was no, but it was still perfect timing. We wanted to control when it was “the right time.” We didn’t realize, that we just needed to be at peace with the timing.
There is a plan for all of us. The timing of *little man’s move-in, is perfect. Do we have the energy and time for this change, at times, we still may say no to this question. Brian had a meeting that he had to prepare for outside of work, he had to fly out of town, it’s the end of Spring Break, it’s 7 months after we finished all of our training/home visits/paperwork, but still…it’s perfect timing. We were not always very patient since the timing was out of our control. We have learned to pray for that peace. Our communication will be in due time, and not very responsive. =) While we know the intentions are great, please don’t ask how it is going in front of the kids. It makes me think of this quote I recently read, “No for now, not for always.” -Sandra Stanley
*Tomorrow, April 6th is “move-in” day! The timing is perfect!* Follow @fosteringmoorelove on Instagram for a few recent pictures. I am sure there will be a lot more tomorrow.